Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Feeling desperate is awful. Lonely. Scary.
Yet, as I've experienced the fruit that desperation can bear, I'm more easily able to thank God for how He will use my situation to transform me. So, by the grace of God, desperation is a door to a wider place.
Currently, in my circle of acquaintances, there are several people who are feeling desperate.
Death, economic pressure, job loss, personal failure, anger, fear, feeling out of control... these are some of the pressures we face. These are hard situations, not easy to solve.
I remember when I was a young mother. My husband was gone many days and evenings with his new job, and I, hundreds of miles from my family, was trying to be a good mother. I was doing a good enough job, but in my eyes, I was failing miserably. No matter how much resolve I mustered, I could not seem to be the even keeled mother I wanted to be.
During that time I became depressed, which, in turn, made me aware of my need for someone wiser to help me sift through the important things, and let the unimportant blow away. I was sweating the small stuff as I juggled being a young wife and mom in a new community with a yet undeveloped support group. In addition, in my public life I was trying to be the pastor's wife I thought I should be -- no small demand.
I cried out to God from the depths of my being. And God heard me.
"My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge" Psalm 62:7-8, NIV.
This was a good time to trust Him. As I poured out my heart to God, Mercy led me to a book, Women Who Do Too Much,(Zondervan,1992) by Patricia Sprinkle. God used it to pry me out of a rut and see my situation with new eyes. Then Grace lead me to Hosea 12:10 which helped till and water my fallow ground. I knew I had to camp there for a while, so I memorized the verse. The repetition and focus helped me absorb its truth.
"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the LORD, until he comes and showers righteousness on you" Hosea 12:10.
From ground freshly prepared by desperation's vulnerability, I reaped a more consistent time with the Lord. No longer was it a good thing. It had become necessary: like breath for life or rain for parched ground. That was the lesson. And that led me to a daily, transforming interaction with the Word of God.
It was an opportune time to seek the Lord, and as I did, God came to me with soothing showers.
For Your Consideration
Is it hard to admit you are desperate?
Can you identify good fruit that God has grown out of your desperation?
Because you know God's love and mercy will bring good out of it, would you pause and thank God for a difficult situation? (Romans 8:28)